I'm now in my sixth week at home with Jane. That means my maternity leave will soon draw to a close. I have to admit, I'm pretty heartbroken about it. The thought of bringing my daughter to daycare and returning to work is clouding my joy in these last weeks at home. I never thought I'd be one who wanted to stay at home with her children, but now that I am faced with the reality, I find myself wanting nothing more. Unfortunately, that's not in the plan, and it's really not feasible for us.
I had originally planned to return to work on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Fearing that I would be a sobbing mess all through the holiday, I asked for an extra week off. I will likely try going in to work on Dec. 2 and 3 for a test run. I'm sure it will get easier with time, but right now I can't imagine anything worse than going back to work. I'm angry that someone else gets to spend the day with my baby, while I have to work. It's pretty sad that, in today's society, staying home with one's children has come to be a luxury. Either you have to be rich, or resign yourself to being really poor, in order to make it work. Just taking a maternity leave longer than six weeks is a major hardship for many people. I am fortunate to have been able to take off the time that I have. Yet I keep feeling that if I just had even a few weeks more - until after the holidays at least, I'd be a lot happier. But I know that can't happen and I need to start preparing myself. I know that plenty of children have gone to daycare, and none of them love their parents any less. They still know who mom and dad are, and love them most. No matter what, we'll still be a family.
Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? Shakespeare thought so. Would our sweet Jane be as sweet with another name? I'm sure she would, but it's hard to imagine her by any other name.
Choosing a name for our daughter was one of the most difficult things we have ever done. Of course "What is her name?" is one of the first question people ask us. We have gotten mixed reactions when we tell people that we named our daughter Jane. We have gotten many compliments on the name we chose. Even one of our nurses at the hospital complimented us, noting that with a name like Jane, there would never be any doubt as to whether she was a boy or a girl. With today's plethora of unisex names, that was definitely one of the considerations when we were choosing a name.
Others react quite differently. I've only had one "Plain Jane" comment so far. This was a couple of months before she was born. I wanted to point out to the person who made the comment that her daughter's name, Emily, is and has been much more popular than Jane ever was, and is therefore the "plainer" name, but I refrained. Many people seem surprised. I can see why. The name Jane is not at all trendy at this time. It is classic and timeless. It will never scream, "I was born in 2010" the way today's trendy names such as Addison (which is not even a real name, but I'll stay away from that topic), and Ava will. I'm sure these same people, if I told them we named her Madison or Brielle, would say, "Oh, isn't that cute!" To them, Jane probably sounds dated. It happens in every generation. The names we grew up hearing our parents and peers called by sound dated to us, while the names of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers sound fresh. My generation's children will name their children Linda and Walter. We will find these names horribly dated, but our children will love them.
Many people ask if she is named after someone. As if we'd have to have a reason to give her the name Jane. When I tell them that she is named after my mother, I usually get a blank stare. Most people know my mom as Jan, but her full name is Janet. Janet was originally a nickname for the name Jane. Yet no one - absolutely no one - seems to know that but me. Oh, well. "I'm a name nerd," I simply explain to them. I spare them further pointless knowledge, such as how Molly is a nickname for Mary, and Nancy is a nickname for Ann, for fear that their heads would spin.
Of course it doesn't matter what other people think of my daughter's name. I love it, and I believe it will serve her very well. I once heard that the best way to decide on a name for your child is to put the words "Supreme Court Justice" in front of it, and if it sounds right, you've chosen a good name. If it sounds more plausible for you to say, "Now dancing for us at the Lusty Beaver ..." you may want to reconsider! I definitely think we've given our daughter a Supreme Court Justice name.
I thought once I wasn't pregnant anymore, the stupid questions and observations would end. Oh, how naive I was! I don't know what it is about pregnancy, childbirth, and newborns that makes people think they can ask extremely personal questions about your body and your child, but they do. Boy, do they. I was pretty shocked to learn that people actually think it's acceptable to ask if you're planning to have the baby the natural way. At what other time in life is it appropriate to ask someone what they plan to do with their private parts? I find questions about breastfeeding equally intrusive. Really, is it anyone's business how people feed their children? It's a pretty personal decision, in my opinion. My husband suggested that the next time someone asks me if I'm breastfeeding, I should respond by asking, "Why? Are you thirsty?" I also had one person, comment, "Well, you sure waited a long time" to have a baby. Wow! As if that is anyone's business either.The most annoying question since "How are you feeling?" and "Are you still pregnant?" is definitely "Is she a good baby?" What kind of question is that, anyway? I don't know why, but everyone--and I mean everyone--asks this question. For me, it brings to mind good old Veruca Salt and Willy Wonka's "good egg/bag egg" detector. I picture good babies and bad babies dropping down, with the good babies going on their merry way and the bad ones dropping down the chute. Honestly, what would someone say if I responded with, "No. She's a terrible baby. We hate her." Of course she's a good baby. She's ours and we love her. It wouldn't matter if she cried all day and all night, that would still be the case. The other question that makes me question people's sanity is, "Does she sleep?" Well sure, sometimes. Just like sometimes she's awake. Do people honestly expect a newborn to be sleeping through the night? I didn't, and I still don't. (For the record, she usually gets up twice during the night after my husband lays her down between 11 and 11:30.) It's also pretty funny when people see her sleeping for half an hour and assume that it means she's an excellent baby who sleeps all the time and never cries. Of course! I tend to invite these people to stop over between 9 and 11 at night. Perhaps the worst offenders are those who joke about stealing or taking the baby. I understand that they are just joking, but honestly, it's not funny. Also, it's one thing when it's someone you know, but when some random stranger comments at a children's Halloween parade that maybe this couple will give her their baby, it's another thing entirely.
I can't wait to see what people start asking us next! I'm guessing it will probably be when we are going to have another one. Those people will kindly be invited to make donations to our bank account.
I'm now in my third week of maternity leave. The first week was pretty crazy, though not as crazy as I had anticipated. We are fortunate to have a baby who does not scream for hours on end. Of course she does fuss and cry occasionally, but she is calmed pretty easily. My husband was home with us the first week and that helped tremendously. The second week, he had to return to work. That meant we had to come up with a nighttime schedule that would hopefully result in both of us getting some sleep.
My husband is a nighttime person and I am a morning person, so I go to bed at 9 p.m. while he cares for Jane. Usually they come upstairs at about 11 p.m. Often Jane is back up at 11:30 p.m. or so, and this is where my shift begins. I get up with her every 2-3 hours, sleeping for short periods in between. I am amazed at how I have adapted to short periods of sleep and have developed the ability to fall asleep on demand. The schedule is working pretty well so far, with my husband getting about 7 hours of sleep before work and me getting between 5-6. Hopefully that will increase before I have to return to work myself! I do sometimes catch a nap in the afternoon so that helps as well.
This week has been mercifully quiet. I had an eye doctor's appointment on Monday and dropped Jane off at her grandparents' to be babysat for the very first time. It was strange to leave her, but wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I knew she was in good hands! The past two days the weather has been terrible so we have not left the house. We're just enjoying one another's company and relaxing.
Breastfeeding continues to be a challenge for us. Jane hates it and has from the start. If she's hungry she gets upset and screams, and if she's not completely starving, she falls right asleep. It's been frustrating and disappointing for me. Definitely not the way I expected things to be! I try every day but most of the time we both just end up upset. Thank goodness for my breast pump. Thanks to that, I have been able to give Jane what she needs even though she won't breastfeed. It helps to ease the blow somewhat, but I'll admit that it makes me pretty sad every time I have to give her a bottle. I'm dealing with feelings of rejection and and failure, and worries that others who have successfully breastfed are going to judge me for my failure. Not that it's anyone's business, but it bothers me nonetheless.
One exciting thing did happen this week. Jane's umbilical cord stump finally fell off! Thank goodness ... I was tired of smelling it! The other day I actually threw out some breast milk I thought might have gone bad because I kept smelling something foul when I was feeding her. Turned out that it was just her umbilical cord stump! It stunk pretty badly for about two days before I finally discovered during the middle of the night last night that it had fallen off. It's probably a little sad that I'm thrilled about such a thing, but I am. Now Jane can have her first tub bath and I do not have to hold my nose when I'm holding her!
I haven't written here for more than two weeks, but I've had a good excuse. My daughter, Jane, was born on Friday, Oct. 8, her due date. What a lovely daughter to save me from having to deal with all the comments about being overdue! She is apparently very prompt, like her parents. She will fit in quite nicely here!
I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday the 6th and was pretty disappointed that there wasn't much more progress. I was told to make another appointment for the following Monday and, if the baby hadn't arrived by that time, we'd talk about inducing.
On Thursday morning both my husband and I had gotten ready for work and he had left for work, when I had some concerns and called him to come back home. We went into the hospital for monitoring. We had a non-stress test and ultrasound. Upon reviewing the results, my doctor felt it was best to induce right away, so we did. The induction was a long process and I will spare the gory details. We received wonderful care from nurses and doctors who didn't give up on us (one of the doctors even thanked me for not giving up!) and we ended up with a pretty great birth experience, even if it wasn't quite how I had envisioned it. The main thing was that our little girl arrived safely and she is beautiful. I continue to be amazed at just how beautiful and perfect she is.
We got out of the hospital on Sunday the 10th. Much of what has happened since is kind of a blur, I'll admit. I wish I had had the time to write more often, but between caring for the baby, visitors, doctor's appointments, and more, there hasn't been much time.
Jane has been a pretty good baby so far. She is overall content and doesn't fuss or cry often. She does tend to have a fussy period from about 10 p.m. to 1 a.m., but after that she settles down nicely, waking only to eat and fall back to sleep. Over the past two weeks she has changed so much! It's amazing how she seems to be developing a personality already. She is much more alert than she was two weeks ago. She has longer awake periods and focuses on our faces.
She is growing, too. I swear sometimes I put her down for a nap and when I go to pick her up, she is bigger. At birth she weighed 9 pounds, 6 ounces and was 22-3/4 inches long. At her first pediatrician's appointment on Tuesday, she was 9 pounds, 14 ounces and 23-1/2 inches long. Her height is in the 99th percentile! Needless to say, it is challenging to find clothes that fit her. Although she is about 10 pounds, she is not pudgy at all. She is long and lean, meaning that newborn clothes fit her in every way but length. Often I have to dress her in a onesie and pants, otherwise her feet stick out the end or, if there are feet, she can't straighten her legs. Already she is like her parents and needs extra long pants!
I am enjoying staying home with Jane and the two of us getting to know each other better. My husband was able to spend the first week at home with us and it was wonderful. I can't imagine having done it without him. We've adjusted pretty well this week without him, though getting enough sleep is sometimes a challenge for me. It would help if I could nap during the day when she naps, but usually that isn't possible. I'll admit I'm also tiring of the endless stream of people who want to see her. I'm feeling much better now, but that first week when people kept wanting to stop by or wanting us to stop by was rough on me. Now it's just bothersome. No one seems to understand that when they hold her all day and she sleeps the whole time, skipping meals, it makes life really difficult for me in the middle of the night. I'm probably a jerk for the fact that that frustrates me, but it does. I could say more, but I shouldn't, so I won't. I'd just love to have a few days to try to get on a better schedule without interference. I can dream, can't I?
I'll try to do a better job of keeping this updated, but I can't make any guarantees. I will try my best!
No!
This is the week I've been looking forward to and yet dreading. Well, it started somewhat last week. The chorus of "Did you have that baby yet?" and "Are you still here?" is starting to grate. I understand that people are excited, but really ... it does not help and it's annoying. I'm not even due until Friday. Don't people know that most first-time moms go at least a week overdue? Besides, I'd ideally like to make it at least to my due date, if not a week later. That way I don't have to come back from maternity leave until after Thanksgiving. We would also love for the baby to be born on a weekend so my husband can spend as much time at home with us as he can. But, like he said this morning, "She'll come whenever she damn well pleases."
Of course I can say now that I can go another week or two. Last week I wasn't feeling that well and was ready for the baby to come right now. Over the weekend I felt much better and today I'm feeling great. By Wednesday I might change my mind again. Overall I've still been very lucky.
This weekend was fun. We helped my mom move into her new house. The whole process went very smoothly—much more smoothly than I could ever have imagined. We had a great crew and by lunch time on Saturday we had nearly everything into the new house, with the exception of a couple of beds. By late in the afternoon, all the beds were put up and we were putting other stuff away. My mom did a great job of packing and labeling, which made it quite easy. It also helped that we did not have to move her washer and dryer or refrigerator. It was a beautiful day for moving and I think we all enjoyed ourselves. Well, at least I did, but I wasn't the one doing all the hard work! I helped where I could but knew better than to overdo it. By the end of the day her new house already felt like home, and I'm sure we'll have many great times there. It is kind of sad to think that my daughter will never know the farm house as "Grandma's house," but she'll still get to go out there to visit her cousin Seth and his soon-to-be wife, Ashley.
