Friday, April 15, 2011
The Perfect Woman
You know they're out there. Those women you love to hate. I'm sure each of us has a different definition of "The Perfect Woman." I know I do. I see them every once in a while and they always inspire envy in me. The problem with a lot of perfect women is that they're often genuinely nice as well, which makes it impossible to truly hate them.
So what's your definition of "The Perfect Woman"? Here are some qualities that usually make me jealous.
• She's always perfectly dressed, but effortlessly so. She doesn't wear a ton of makeup because she doesn't need to, and she doesn't douse herself in perfume but always smells good.
• She's great at cooking and other domestic pursuits.
• She can sing really well or has some other artistic talent.
• Her children are adorable, well-behaved, smart, and talented.
• She's got a great body and one of those flat tummies so she can tuck in a shirt and her jeans lay nicely over top. No muffin tops for this mama!
• She's probably a runner. I hate runners.
• She has a very successful career and manages it and her family perfectly. Alternately, she's a stay-at-home mom who picks up her kids from school looking adorable in a denim skirt and blouse every day.
• She's really good at "guy stuff." She hunts and fishes. She takes her own fish off the line and cleans the whole day's catch. She can field dress a deer. She shoots pool like a master and can guzzle drinks all night without getting hung over.
• She eats only healthy foods. She's probably a vegetarian. Alternately, she eats absolutely EVERYTHING. Big, juicy burgers and fries. Huge slices of pie. But you'd never know it because her body is perfect. It's probably because she's a damn runner.
• She's always bettering herself. She probably doesn't even watch television. She reads, she takes classes on how to make pottery, and she attends spinning or zumba classes 17 times a week. Or goes for 10-mile nightly runs. She's never really lazy.
• She's funny. And sweet. And thoughtful. She's always doing something for someone else. She volunteers her time at her children's school, teaches Sunday school, and organizes bake sales.
• She can do all of this on four hours of sleep every night. She's never crabby as a bear when she doesn't get enough sleep. She's up at 4 a.m. every day because she's Martha fricking Stewart.
And those, my friends, are some of the qualities I've seen in "The Perfect Women" who I've encountered in my life. I know I'm never going to be them. I'm far too lazy. I have no idea how I got to be that way, but it's how I am. I'll readily admit that I've half-assed most things in my life, from high school to college to work. I do what I have to do to squeak by most of the time, and that's it.
But there's one thing in my life I'm trying not to half-ass, and that's raising my daughter. I'm trying to make the most of every second and cherish the time I have when her when she's little because I know that, before I know it, she'll be 30 years old and I'll never be able to get this time back.
So while I'll never be the perfect woman or the perfect mother, I'll be the best mom I can be, because I'm the only one she's got. I've never done anything perfectly, but I did have her and she is perfect. That has to count for something.